Everything  you've done in life has brought you here. What you do with it is up to you. Welcome to my world. 

 

		ARCHIVE: 1997 1998 1999 2000 2001 2002 2003 2004 2005 2006     +++2005+++                                              Velvet Rope -12/20/05 Antipsychotic rants. Did a day go by in 2005? The world seem infinitely fascinating and one feels more fascinating. Martini marriage: chilly and on the rocks. Eye to life’s simpler pleasures. Messy monetary detail. Subtext of narcissism was irresistible enough. Certificate of deposit. Bonding further with Kabbalah is not necessary a good thing. Her no-show reap the obvious benefits. I live life what it’s like to quit trying to make everyone else happy. There is more to the world to what the other say and think. Look deep inside ones self for what's truly important—rather than just accepting what other think is the proper path. Fuck them. .       Managing Relevance -12/14/05 Realness is consistency between your beliefs and actions. Equilibrium between  professional and personal responsibilities Others feel good. What ever you want. Same person on the outside as you are on the inside Empathy reflects capacity to see things from another person's point of view and to experience their feelings yourself. Same person on the outside as on the inside. Creating positive emotional experiences in others. Balance competing demands. Life/Balance No one-size-fits-all approach to achieving the best of both worlds of work and play- Yet.       TaG Line -12/13/05 Part of me that existed then that exists now. It has to be dark to see the lights properly. Perception Understanding Reality - Limited by Avenues of Inquiry. Not knowing all the answers, Awareness is vastness of questions. Answers at level of awareness tend to be offered by questions at the next level. One has only pursue a deepening awareness to come into contact with the answers. Do wish to see by own eyes. Just a thought. Objective reality exists outside of our awareness. Deploy against the version one builds with. Its only your problem if you claimed it was possible. Running part of the process. Profound sleep of ignorance. Spiritual practice aimed at waking up to the broadest awareness.        Visual Chaos -12/9/05 In real life, gimmicks buy the vote. Tame the paper tiger. Raft of good ideas. Clean slate Special indulgence. The good news (if there can be such a thing) is ......         Tis the Season -12/7/05 Personality is the tip of the iceberg…but character is the real foundation. Ability to compromise is a sexy attribute—and consistency is an aphrodisiac. Conflict for passion—and recognize that it’s better to have loved and lost…than to live with a wacko for the rest of your life. Sometimes  things will never change. Afraid of change. Then someone comes along and shines a light....in all the dark corners, and shows you things about yourself, things you may have known, but put away. As others have mentioned, you could use the un-documented . The holidays. Traffic is worse than ever, lines are interminable, my stress-inducing family is beckoning me home . Maybe it's time to book a flight to Hawaii. My Halitosis-afflicted assistant. Sentenced to spend the office festivities listening to someone list all the many and wondrous features of the new copier that’s been ordered or how the new legal-sized file folders are going to improve my life. Holidays mean interactions with everyone from Aunt Anne to Grandpa Bob and the interrogation process can often begin before I’m prepared. Literally be your ticket. Tired holiday traditions. Chas cam coming soon. Every room wired. Of course you have to Pay to play. Here's a tip. When you tell a story, have a point. Three loads of laundry to do. On the off-chance Having an impressive job always yields the same reaction. Boo Hoo Fuckin Hoo      Restore Harmony -11/2/05 Someone slipped drugs in my drink last night Pride built  barrier. Life Changes. You make Jesus cry.      When - 9/2/05 Inspired to add hard work to talent . Nature of this participation is left up to each individual Centre of the action Concept of radical inclusion ("include yourself, include others") is the consensus-reality unwritten law Leave no trace Horizons of life are widening Truth sensors are turned on Genuine people and opportunities Something good to think about. The content  may recently have been changed, vandalized or altered by someone whose opinion does not correspond with the state of knowledge in the relevant area.      I f - 9/1/05 I bring kokou kole to those who ask.     Before Tomorrow - 8/19/05 Ninety-Ninety Rule /n./ "The first 90% of the code accounts for the first 90% of the development time. The remaining 10% of the code accounts for the other 90% of the development time." I think: Therefore, ( I think ) I am Congratulations, crybabies. You went to the principal's office and tattled and now you're getting your way. People  eager to connect with the big picture don't see what's before them. You finally understand that the simplicity and the genius live next door. Nothing matters but the weekend (from a Tuesday point of view) I could have told her it could last a lifetime. Who cares about you understanding. You've been an eternal rebel in life and yet you only know orders. You cannot understand what is as plain as plain can be. You have to make up your mind for this task, and you beg me to give you an order, and what's more calling it understanding. The conversation has come to its end, anyway. In an instant you will be back in time and you will have to consider your options. What I have done is just to bring them to your mind in a different perspective from your desire. So now go on back to time and decide for yourself. The interview is finished. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. Our eyes met but we're both with someone else. Self inflicted scars healed Understand do you? It's not working because of your negative attitude. Wish granted. The past makes up everything we are today, and the future is ours. For me, however, I found that writing something reinforces it. Mint keeps flies away        I for One - 7/1/05 Their own hierarchy. A bit more manageable Resigned to the notion        I'm Tired- 6/23/05 Property may now be taken for the benefit of another private party. Optimistic for a change. Green lit this.       Knobs and Knockers- 6/9/05 Beginning to Understand. Silence between us www.joblo.com        And I am - 6/7/05 Never expect me to dance Due respect & kind intentions Don't take it too seriously Take a moment Slaves to our machines? Not new questions Not dying to contribute to overpopulation I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says: "There's no one like you, Meg ." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close. Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Trader Joes and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Tits like you wouldn't believe and an ass that just wouldn't quit. Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes, but you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Meg? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before. I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I'd tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some nagging feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Meg , I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you. Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at the Holiday Inn lounge last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know, we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the anyone can hear us. And all of a sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad, too. Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Meg ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 3 years, and we never used it as a sex toy." Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicki's just a girl and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good advice about you and about women in general. She's pulling for us to get back together, Meg, she really is. So we're doing Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about happier times. Here's this girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicki's really into the whole anal thing, that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fueled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you? It's true, Meg. In your heart you must know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances away and start fresh? I think we can. If you feel the same please, please, please let me know. Otherwise, can you let me know where the fucking remote is?.        A tale replayed - 5/31/05 Memories better left forgotten. New ones yet to be made. We all have one. Some of us two. Years since last spoken but yet it all comes back in a moment. More often than not the answer comes back. Building of the bomb. Refrain of a thousand pop songs. Respond to incentives both negative and positive Know the history, and remember it. This reason they haunt. Knowing a self kept hidden from the rest of the world, a self that hoped to retire or to pretend never existed. An incentive has astonishing power to change a situation. What is your incentive? Shared experience can be refracted very differently. What goes on in ones mind Own account of events The art of science. Sharing experiences is what life's about. Come time to sit down and revisit        Reward- 5/17/05 You can be one but can't say you're one. I never worry about things I cant change. Or people for that matter. Eating your own dog food turns out to be a good way to ensure quality control.        Day Two- 4/8/05 Nothing in the paper. Nothing online. Even put a ad in craigslist.com. Called the humane society/animal shelters. No missing/lost Black labs. Called my realtor to see if there was any other shelters in the area. Nope. She did say she would put the word out. What to do if I can't find the owner? What he was intentionally abandoned? Do I keep him? One lab is a handful but two? Well mannered. Even tempered. Mellow. Clingy. Crawled into bed with me.        Found- 4/7/05 Ability to incorporate critical feedback in a constructive manner. Images speaking a thousand words. Remember the source. You are received by what you communicate It was pouring rain as I stepped out of my jeep. From the backyard I heard hoarse barking at  front side gate. I thought to myself, "What is my dog doing out back?" I clicked my clicker and opened up the garage door. What a disaster. Walking inside and saw that my contractor had been here. Two big bags of uneaten Wendy's sit in the pile of wood dust and other debris. My contractor must have forgotten to let the dog back in. Damn it. What? Barking from inside the house? Unlocking the side kitchen door I heard movement and more barking. I slowly open it and  then was greeted by my dog! What? If my dog was inside then who/what/when dog was in back? My dog immediately ran to the back door were I preceded to open it. Behind the screen door....... behold another Black Lab! I then let my dog outside and then all hell broke loose.. It took a hour for dogs to get adjusted and my backyard was a muddy mess. Looked like a battle field with stuffed toy parts everywhere. Left a message for my contractor to call. David, "You forgot something out back." "What?" he questionably replies. "What could I have forgotten?". Oh and sorry for the mess in the garage. David, There is another Black Lab in the backyard. What? What are you talking about? I then explained what I have found. He had no idea how the dog got there. That dog wasn't there earlier and mine was in the backyard all day.  Again he said he had no idea, no idea at all. "What are you going to do?" he asks. Guessing I said, "Call the Humane Society to see if anyone have reported a missing lab". No one had reported a missing Black Lab. Also tried Animal Control. Checked the lost and found in the local paper .Again and again the same answer. No missing lab. Blue collar (No tags), Spayed, pretty white teeth, About a year old. About 90 pounds. Has a really big head. Knows how to sit, shake and lay. And loves to eat. Decide to pay my neighbors a visit. I'm in the process of moving in and thought this will give me a opportunity to meet them. Living on a cul de sac there only is three other houses and one of them is vacant. Nope no luck. No one had seen/heard/done anything. If anything, I learned about who fucking who, who's unemployed, who's employed, ect... in the neighborhood. Walking home I thought..... ....There are only two possibilities here. One. + Someone in the neighborhood saw a black lab loose and thought he was mine and put him out back. - Being new in the neighborhood I haven't had a chance to  met my neighbor . Also if you go anywhere near the front of sides of the house you would hear my dogs loud and I mean loud barking (That's what he does a lot of when someone is in the yard) Two. + Someone saw that I had a lab and they had a lab that they wanted to get rid of.   - No true Lab owner would do this. My house/land is surrounded by 8 ft privacy fencing and there is no way a dog could get back there by itself. No way. No holes in the fencing. If my dog couldn't get out, how could one get in? Heh. Open up my front door to see all my freshly cleaned carpet went from a light blue to some sort of brown. The both of them have tracked all this mud in. Toys were everywhere. Be glad when the hardwood flooring is installed. Sat down in a clean spot and was the center of affection for two playful labs. Heh. How do I relax now?       Continually Dream- 3/29/05 Fish die belly upward, and rise to the surface. Way of falling Defending everything one defends nothing. No garlands for imitators. Love is the emblem of eternity it confounds all notion of time effaces all memory of a beginning, all fear of an end. Fame is the thirst of youth . Continually dream. Contractors. Hard to find one thats dependable and reasonable.        Subject of Ethics   - 3/28/05 Believe everything you do will eventually affect the universe. Let's do it on purpose. You will never look at the stars, your scriptures, or yourself the same again. Was it really true? Filling a brown paper bag with dead presidents in order to get things done. Opportunity will appeal. Let the stupid painters do the one-bedroom apartments        Whatever   - 3/9/05 Ask me if I care.        What's New | Rantings |  Multimedia | Store | Contact | Home | Guestbook COPYRIGHT © 1 9 9 7 -  2 0 0 8  T H E C H A S G R O U P All Rights Reserved