Everything  you've done in life has brought you here. What you do with it is up to you. Welcome to my world. 

 

		ARCHIVE: 1997 1998 1999 2000 2001 2002 2003 2004 2005 2006      Happy Thanksgiving!  - 11/27/02 Sorry for the lack of updates but a lot has happened in the last month. Stay tuned for I kept a daily log of our adventure driving an 24 ft truck back out. I'll be posting that once I check my grammar. Through breakdowns and snow storms it was quite an adventure. Back now on the west coast. It sure feels great!. We have Trader Joe's and the Spaghetti Factory just down the road. I've forgotten how much I miss those places. My hard drive crashed and no I don't have a backup so If you haven't heard from me in a while It's cause I no longer have your email address. Send me an note and I will reply. Loving my cable modem. My new toy.      Arbitrary string  - 10/27/02 When everything is perfect, anything is possible. Hopes are  up. Shields are down. Tasting everything about this moment, and  carrying the parts that I like into the future. Gentle sounds and favorite fragrances reinforce, strengthen and heal. The point I'm trying to get across has nothing to do with logic. That’s your problem Built with an open architecture allowing us to further develop the software to include add on features, integration modules, and interfaces to associated third party software applications. Eighteen Vinnies Stay Tuned...       Hearsay  - 9/20/02 Arrogant as I am, I don't need to be a part of a group of egos that need constant masturbation.  If all these shining lights had ever combined to produce a single good concept that benefited their fellow man I could be tempted to revise my perception.  Nothing is worse than a person or group unable to pursue its potential.       Nothing is Obvious  - 9/16/02 Looking forward to the beach. Two months and counting.. Negative criticism will cause you to doubt yourself and can quickly take away your self-confidence. Stay away from the people who want to see you fail in your endeavors. More people around you then you think want you to fail.. People with the little or no self-confidence are usually the first people to knock down your goals and ideas. Think positive thoughts and your life will improve. Dwell on negative things and life will always seem difficult. Don't listen to your friends, believe me when I tell you this for every time I listen to anyone but my heart, I am mislead... Looking for the one. I've lost a lot yet gained a lot the next person in my life will reap the benefits of all I've experienced. I  know your out there. You know it's never really easy to express feelings in an public forum but...if you don't like what your reading go elsewhere. I wonder how Nigel's doing.     Counting Days  - 9/12/02 Cool Site      A Day for Remembrance  - 9/11/02 A project that doesn't work in harmony is going to run into trouble. Little did I know a year ago, my life was about to change. For the Better. The books are out there, the experts are out there, the information is available.  Did you know they have classes in California to teach programmers how to interact with humans after work? Concepts overlap.      Back to Life  - 9/09/02 A project that doesn't work in harmony is going to run into trouble. There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those that can do binary  arithmetic and those that can't. You know I am at your service with all the continued aim of integrity. I trust...I trust the poor man to steal, if pushed enough, the child to lie, if the cookie tasted good enough. To love, if the deities are loving enough. When someone you love says you are crowding her space, it means that someone else is in that space with her. Piece together my own jigsaw, but there's always pieces missing      Let doubt go  - 8/09/02 People who seem the luckiest are often the ones who prepare carefully. There you go Babe, Lost another friend. So how does it feel?       My Mindset  - 8/05/02 Long-term goals in mind and works, sometimes to the exclusion of all else. Grounded stability with a sense of initiative. Status and recognition, in themselves, aren't reason enough to do anything. Imbued with an undue sense of responsibility. Rigidity in thinking is wrong. Along with all that sensualism tends to come a healthy dose of laziness and self-indulgence. The mistaken belief that self-worth can be measured in terms of possessions, or lack thereof. Self-worth exists separately from what we have or own; our self-worth is an internal thing, untouchable from the outside, unbreakable by loss or misfortune. Learned how to let go of material possessions and other people. No one can control anyone's actions but their own. Learned not to dwell on the pain and injustice of it all, but to move on gracefully. Change opens the door to new, wonderful things; even painful change, like moving residences or ending a relationship, often leads to great overall improvement, really. Trust myself to handle the uncertainty of life. Trust you.       Easy Come Easy Go  - 7/31/02 Broken Oar in Cary. Had such an fun and relaxing time felt like I was on vacation. A new phase of  my life started today Golden opportunities, spins into the heart Don’t waste even one day. What you set your heart on could happen Deeper places of the mind Respect and consideration might not sound exciting but they are the vital extra ingredients      Master Chas  - 7/24/02 Don't let the story end here A deep resonance  sends out spreading ripples of clarity. Happy with where I've been,  but where I'm going looks even better Enlighten me about what is so obvious to you Nobody wins this round. Everything in sight was colored by your suspicions. Some way to have fun while waiting for the future. Doggy paddled to safety       Las Vegas  - 7/15/02 This dream isn't prophetic. It probably relates to my own fears about a person, or maybe even about myself. I'll wait until morning, then write down the dream. Its meaning should have come clear to me by then. I cannot build a mountain or catch a rainbow. But let me be what I know best, I believe a friend that's always there. A place to find serenity. A place to be alone. Trust on a handshake. You...believe me I know.      +/-  - 6/19/02 The incorrect record may be updated or deleted from a table when there is a clustered index on that table in descending order. In order to know how to talk, you have to know what to say. In order to know what to say, you have to get in touch with those deep-inside-of-you thoughts, feelings, needs, and yearnings. These are the parts of you that must be communicated if you are going to be known. Think the best of others, and hope that they'll respect you in a similar fashion. Realization is something of an epiphany, A career can be self defining but you cannot be a full person unless you have balance. Now, under the heading of unexpected stimulus--the reaction. The subtle texture quite alluring...Her casual nature towards nudity is quite appreciated--scientifically of course. It is wrong to lie. It is also wrong to just not say anything.      When in Rome - 6/12/02 Computer knowledge is not gained from rote memorization. That will only help you do a particular task. To truly learn how to use a computer, or software on a computer, you need to understand specific concepts. The more concepts you understand, and the more able you are to merge concepts, the more capable you will be on a computer. Rote memorization usually comes from repetition, while conceptual learning can happen much faster. That's what I think anyways. The length of time you use something, does not directly show what you know. We all learn different things at different times, and at different paces. Checking the value of a calculated field. You do have backups?       Means of Communications- 6/3/02 In order to know how to talk, you have to know what to say. In order to know what to say, you have to get in touch with those deep-inside-of-you thoughts, feelings, needs, and yearnings. These are the parts of you that must be communicated if you are going to be known. At the park today I was  reminded of a former boss, notoriously and splendidly melancholy, who used to answer, when asked, "How are you?" - with a kind of depressed resignation, whether for his own state or for the stupidity of the question, it was never clear, "The same." If  two keep struggling for the leadership position, how are they supposed to be a team? What were words I wanted to hear and words you meant to say? Breaking up is hard, but it doesn't mean we will never love again. Reserveamerica.com Das be dawn ya    2:01am- 6/2/02 You're never going to believe this sir but...When you ship it late It'll still be late when It gets there. Got a nice sunburn at the Blues fest. Noxzema sure helped. Not sure if I had a good time or not but had a lot of time to reflect on the past and the future. You see, people have there ups and downs in life I, however have had a perpetual shower on me not one that's incredibly strong but it's cold and wet enough just to keep you sick. It wasn't always this bad. Once, there were rays of sunshine peeping through my cloud drying the rain and making me warm. But I screwed it up the change must have shocked me for I shunned the sun, and threw up an umbrella. Ironic of course, to have the umbrella up only when is was sunny and not raining. Don't have to worry about the cloud anymore. It is time to be thoughtful, thankful, and unselfish. You did learn something, the day hasn't been a total loss,. I'm looking in I can see through you See your true colors Cause inside you're ugly You're ugly like me I can see through you See to the real you It felt like all and then nothing, when it was really more of a gradual decline on the one's part, which results in a sudden shock to the other. That's what happens when you ignore warning signs, etc. You look back and it really was a slow decline Well it's 3:30am, think I'll call it a night..   TGIF- 5/31/02 Seems like this whole month was all about work and making money. The weekend flickers ahead  like a mirage, but I know  it's the only true oasis.  See nothing but attractive options and positive choices. Maybe, for once, there is no dark side.   Absolute knowledge- 5/30/02 Is the payoff worth what you'd have to give up? Hindu that one more time. Need to find the one person in all the world  destined to go through life with. Feelings of serene happiness. Want to withhold full trust from these people until you know them better. Very different feeling.. Genuine caring is a wiser option... Being the one who forgives... Let a sour memory go... Tonight's my last Tia Chi class for a while. There are two white tailed foxes living in my backyard. Bluesfest starts today.    The Park- 5/30/02 New Beginnings Still there are scars. Little inner wounds that make one wince when one thinks about them. Developments that one regret - or even resent. Situations that one can't quite believe. Things really ARE different Determined to alter course, to change direction, to fight with all  might to ensure that I don't end up once more where I ended up before. How hopeful, how positive, how constructive, how encouraging, how helpful and how friendly the sky intends to be. Peace and goodnight.     Inner wounds- 5/27/02 Happy Memorial Day everyone. Hope you all gave thanks to a veteran you know.  Spent the weekend with some friends camping, survivor style. Friday and Saturday was kind of rough with the wet weather but overall really had a good time. Spent most of the time thinking about what I have done and what I want to accomplish. Did some fishing and actually caught a nice size trout.  I'm feeling pretty refreshed now and actually and was nice to get away from the ringing phone, TV and computer. For the first time in a long time I'm not looking forward in going to work. I think I really need to take some more time off.   Blues fest coming up this weekend. Thanks to Jerry I got tickets/passes for the Hager/Roth show. Don't know whether to thank you or... Think the best of others, and hope that they'll respect you in a similar fashion. Not sure I'll ever really know. As much as I long for the one that God created me for, I also fear her. I sometimes feel that I cannot possibly be good enough for her. I fear that she will be disappointed in my physical appearance or that if  she does truly love and accept me for who I am that I will lose her to some tragic illness or accident. Tried my hand at cooking with the wok tonight. Heh it's a lot harder than it looks when the Iron Chef does it. But it was fun and I'll experiment some more with it. Just a guess but 2501 errors are generally raised by something lower down being cancelled with no error handling. You might try putting in an error handler routine where the 2501 occurs and display the whole error collection. How come women tend to look for the perfect match almost entirely relying on a gut instinct? Call it Love at first sight or whatever... At least most women tend to look for the perfect love that rings that certain bell from day one. And if something is "missing", then goodbye and good riddance. Men, on the other hand have a more sensible approach: they too rely on their feelings, but also think about the potential mate as a wife, mother, person in general. What happened to common sense? Why is it that women  tend to forget that love is something that gets deeper and deeper over the years? Why do they expect everything to be *KABOOM* from the start ? Have I stumbled into the wrong women or are all women that naive? Determined to alter course, to change direction, to fight with all  might to ensure that I don't end up once more where I ended up before.. If you don't have the romance, the sexuality, the physical attraction, the friendship that forms between two people, then you don't have continuity. One doesn't get married and have babies and form society. And so it's that continuity that pulls us in 'to romance'. You think about the classic movies from the '40s. Why are they classic? Because of the people in them. Look at Bogart and Bacall or Tracy and Hepburn. Why are we attracted to them? Because of the chemistry between them. It fascinates us to watch that. To see it happen. To celebrate it. To want it to happen in our lives. Inner wounds that make one wince when one thinks about them. Developments one regret - or even resent. Situations that one can't quite believe that they got their self into... and that one still don't feel convinced that they have yet got themselves out of.. Sometimes I wonder who I am anymore... I walk in the rain, due to the cloud above my head, the dark ominous cloud you see in the distance. I see a lot of people with their own clouds a lot of them are darker than mine but none as constant Need to practice my golf game. Just my thoughts anyway, Night.    Dreams- 5/21/02 More than once I fell in love; having no idea how to act, or what to do with this information, I usually kept it to myself. Sharing it was sometimes disastrous. That wise old saying "Blessed are they who have no expectations for they shall not be disappointed." But it simply is not possible to lead life with no expectations - Not interested in ruling the world, for I know full well that this is simply an impossibility We can only be fully involved in our communities, fully giving to others, and fully aware of our impact on the world when we spend time to develop our own inner awareness and find our own truth. Once we discover this truth, we need to live by it. Too often, we separate our beliefs from our actions or become despondent, even cynical, dropping our deeper moral values for the sake of expediency or because we feel angry and bitter. It takes a lot of work to overcome these feelings and to stick truly to our beliefs, but unless we do so we cannot contribute to the improvement of this world. There are many spiritual traditions and ways we can follow, so long as we preserve a balance between personal development and social service and maintain each of these ten moral principles equally, not placing one before the other. We should surround ourselves with reminders of our spiritual experience and work hard at our practice, so that our whole world becomes immersed in our spiritual being. That's what I'm thinking, anyways ....Night..           Dreams- 5/20/02 What am I doing up so late?  Happy Birthday!  Dad. Every time you turn around, you're not quite good enough and you can't really please them. You don't want to get involved with a person like that. The key to creating a lasting relationship is in choosing a truly compatible person. I saw the latest Star Wars flick, yawn. Spiderman was way better hands down. There's an white tailed fox living in my backyard. Heh, had fun at the Sugar Shack in Lake Geneva, WI. The product matches the vision. If you're not alone, why do you feel isolated? Limit your confessions to people that you trust. Others envy until they get close enough to become part of the picture. Privacy means different things to different people. We're all sent forth on an adventure. How we get back from it is your business. Still miles from that hoped-for conclusion or resolution.      Subtle ways- 5/19/02 I'm back. Amazing how recharged one feels after camping even though I almost froze to death. I need to buy a house and get me a dog. Take away your bad mood, and it's just a normal day. Making Lemonade Kindred spirit, you'll need to keep your eyes open. Silver lining to a relentless cloudscape. Just think, If you got a box of horse shit, and wrap it in the most beautiful wrapping paper you could find, and tie it with the most wonderful extravagant bow you could, it would still be horse shit. Yet a diamond in a brown paper bag is still a diamond. Was that a breeze, or did I just feel the hand of God on my shoulder? Obsessive in the right direction is called CEO, but in the wrong direction is often discounted. We are attracted to people with (arguably) similar self images to the one we have of ourselves. If we give up our friends and interests just to be with another or because we think it is their will, we are actually giving up one of the very things that attracted them to us in the first place.  It is an integration, a combination and more like a partnership where you really listen to each other and come to joint decisions about things, and have faith in each other to make wise decisions when you don't have a say in it. I'm not going to pretend to understand the gravity of what has transpired here, but I will say this: Enough is enough! Again, *balance* is the key Some thoughts should just be expressed after death; not so sure that "eulogize" is even a word. Ever have someone who you spent lots of time with and were pretty close with but later drifted apart? Sure. We all have. But what about when you and that friend come together once again. You find that the friend is now totally different than what they had been. They are now some one you don't know and don't particularly like. Could it be that they haven't really changed at all? That they are the same person and that it's you that is different? Maybe they were always the selfish person  that they are now, you just never noticed before because you were the object of their affection, not their rudeness? Is it possible to see people in a more positive light than they really are? How do you correct it? I dislike - being ignored, people who are rude for no reason, intolerance towards differences, people who think they know everything, ignorance, arrogance, judgment. I like - all things in nature. Mountains, beaches, woods, sunsets and scenery. Any outdoor activity will make me happy - camping, hiking, fishing, walking... whatever you got, I'm up for it. I yearn to travel, explore and discover everything around me and beyond. While I'm doing all that, I like to have a camera in hand to capture the moments and cherish the memories. For a mellow time, give me movies, books and music and I'll love you forever. I'm going to miss the X-Files and all the times spent with the friends that I enjoyed watching/sharing the show with. I'm glad they give us the answers to the questions we had about the show. At least we have the Sopranos, but for how long? I guess all good things must come to an end, another chapter closed but there is new beginnings to look forward to. Night.      Empty Garden- 4/21/02 Can we borrow some hope somewhere, or is this the way it will be forever? RIP Layne Stanley I make mistakes. Most mistakes are minor and only cost time, money and energy. Some are major and close off doors. I only hope that I can learn from my mistakes fast enough that I don't close off too many doors Guarded heart Life would be an acrimony I wake with a feeling of vertigo. Once leashed you will always be a dog Your treatment of others is a reflection of how you see yourself. Politics controls your life. If you ignore politics you will have no say in how you are being controlled. Substance and sustenance of existence Shadows of perpetuity Where would intelligence come from? And how could there be an ability to create things, like code or poetry, that have not existed before, when all things in nature are transformation of energy from one state to another and nothing can come from nothing? Some people just have a lack of connection with others. Some people develop an intellectual personality, and kill their emotional side, because of unhappy experiences or environment. Some simply are not expressive, or have a self-censorship which thinks such expressions "sound silly". With age comes wisdom and experience, and also (very important) priorities. I think it would be very cool to go live in a remote tropical island for a month. Someplace really quiet & without TV or a computer or phone.   Human beings exaggerate or alter past experiences in order to edit them into experiences they prefer. Night      Capisce- 4/20/02 Yes -- there is a difference between hearing and listening. A major difference. Attention to detail can make a relationship The damsel in distress is trapped in the tower of the evil emperor's castle. Her only hope for survival is the prince, her knight in shining armor who will climb up the tower to rescue his princess and carry her off into the sunset Here he comes, gallivanting his way to the castle. He jumps over the moat, climbs the tower, lifts her up over his shoulder, and props her onto the horse. He slays the dragon and the happy couple are whisked away into the glimmering night sky. Nowhere in this fairytale did the princess say, "I can get onto the horse myself, thank you very much," The best thing to do is just be yourself. Unending quest of trying to figure women out While relationships are about compromise, it's important that the demands made of our significant others are reasonable and rational. What it boils down to is how secure each  are with the relationship, and how much you trust one another. Balance is a solution Poetry, philosophy, and religion provide fulfillment for emotions and for the spirit. Ideology, integrity and will Integrity is a lot harder to have when one has been exposed to many different influences, but the integrity that one does achieve is far truer, a result of a tour de force of one's mind to make sense of everything that has come to oneself and to accept the best of all things into a synthesis. Before true integrity can conceivably be accomplished, the errors that exist in one's founding structure must be removed, and the only way to see an error within one's structure is through an external perspective. Emotions require understanding, knowledge and development    Goodnight my Love- 4/17/02 In principle, developers debug code as they write it. A programmer should never, ever work on new code if they could instead be fixing bugs. The bug count must stay as low as possible at all times, for two reasons: It's easier to fix bugs the same day you wrote the code. It can be very hard and time-consuming to fix bugs a month later when you've forgotten exactly how the code works. Fixing bugs is like doing science. It is impossible to estimate when you will make the discovery and solve the bug. If there are only one or two outstanding bugs at any given time, it's easy to estimate when the product will ship, because there's not much un-estimate able science in your future. On the other hand, if there are hundreds or thousands of outstanding bugs, it is impossible to predict when they will all be fixed. I am passing this on to you - - - It is definitely working for me. I think I have found inner peace. I read an article that said the way to achieve inner peace is to finish things you had started. Today I finished t a bottle of wine I feel better already! Pass this along to those who need Inner Peace. Life is funny dear, life and the manner in which we choose to live it...its just fucking hilarious to me right now. My website will be getting a new facelift. Out with the old in with the new.  Hope you all like it. But could care less if you don't. In the land of ambiguity. The Winter Solstice grounds you in your true identity. The leaves have turned colors, dried up and blown away. The tree's actual shape stands revealed. In the end, this is all you need to know.      Dividends- 4/15/02 What a weekend... The last thing I think about when I go to sleep and the first thing I think about when I wake up.. Ironic inasmuch as how dissimilar their resemblances. World view from a happy meal. A forest looks different if you're looking out of it rather than into it. But this river flows only one way- into the heart. Look inside first and really truly know what all is there before you can give it to another person. Look inside yourself and figure out what it is they're looking for in you.  Or possibly what they've already believes they found. Smile of a remembrance Bombs don't count Many people are uncomfortable with the unknown, both the temporarily unknown, and the permanently unknown. Risk cannot be reduced to zero. There is acceptable risk, and there is unacceptable risk. Some people don't seem to understand this.    Happy Easter- 3/31/02 Japanese Engrish After church spent the day looking at jeeps. Might have bought one but the sales guy was a just little to pushy. Maybe next week. Looking in the mirror now, I see something new. If only, if only I could repair that picture, if only I could spark that faithful youth, but it will forever remain nothing but a dream. But I will dream it. My destiny has been sketched out for me. Don't make unilateral decisions. You're a team, so act like one. Check in and make decisions together about things large and small. Be willing to compromise. Be present. Train your mind to stay in the moment --Fact-find -- don't mind read. You may think you know but you can't assume. You may believe she should know, but that's not fair, either. Always clear up misinterpretations and misunderstandings to make sure they don't throw you both off course. A forest looks different if you're looking out of it rather than into it. Just think of the dividends that this time spent learning about yourself will pay in the future. Fuck me your majesty-  American Beauty. When in Rome I guess. BBQ season is approaching. WOOHOO! Time to stock up on A1 sauce. A poem paints a picture all by itself. Goodnight my friends...and to you Jen.     Moments after- 3/30/02 Note- Must check site updates in all browsers before I hit save. Some days, you get in to work, check your e-mail, and have to site back and contemplate just how lucky you are. It began with one of those nights that you just knew would change you forever. Life Is But Another Way To Torture ones Soul, But A Soul Would Not Exist Without Life. What the hell happened to forever? Who would buy that? Don’t stop playing until you hear the whistle. Don't label me. To give you a disclaimer, this post will be incredibly out of place, personal, and irrelevant, but by all means. That road back is but a memory The trick is to stay so busy that you don’t have time for the meaning of life. Check out the Negotiator My stomach hurts. L I hate feeling like this. Bye.      Spring cleaning- 3/28/02 Even if you dress your cat up as a dog, you in fact will still have a cat. But a cat that is functionally a dog may have some utility. Heh, looking forward to April.. Just think of the dividends that this time spent learning about yourself will pay in the future. My mirror no longer reflects. I'm thinking about tomorrow for a little while. Grown to be the person I am partly because of her. There's a big difference between being alone and being lonely. Little princess..      Inner belief system- 3/20/02 If a person only loves part of you, well, we all know about the conditional love thing. Why do people think they can unbraid you and only keep the what they like? Making yourself vulnerable to someone who feels that way about you is an invitation to psychological disintegration. We are what we are; we can help each other find out what that is, but we can't change each other fundamentally.  Within the complex thing that is human being, there are factors that are inborn; factors that come from conditioning; and factors that come from choice. It is not possible to change the way someone is born through persuasion. The highest level changes are those that are natural and coming from within. Would you agree? Things one chooses to be can be changed by choosing to be something else, and another person can persuade one to make such a choice; habits, decisions, and lifestyle paths form this category. We co-create with everyone we interact with. So they do have a direct impact on who we are in every conceivable aspect of the word. They can  hurt, help or hinder our growth. People can harm in the name of love if it is not coming from a space of purity and without conditions. What one set of people can do another set can undo. You can never go back to what was. You have grown from that space. But you can always become something more, something better than you were. It is easy to say we love in the good times. But in the bad times we are really feeling the effects of love or the lack of it. It is then that we need it the most. I am not here to make assumptions. I am not judging. I am just listening.      ABC's- 3/13/02 This is a journey ...there is no end.. Sometimes I'll tell you about something, most you will have to discover yourself.  To get an invitation It will take you some time but you can get bumped up the line.      Blur- 3/10/02 It is a good idea to go very slow at the beginning. By starting slowly, you can build up to your grand finale. Is it soup yet?      Tomorrow- 3/6/02 Sticking to a program is not usually the problem with me; rather, it's making the decision to change in the first place. I could be my own worst enemy at times. Comdex was fun. Smaller than I thought it would be. We got a lot of cool stuff and of course the price was right.. Tested to the core Old routine and present pressures will kill or at least harm a relationship. The chronological order is also equal to the order of merit, just as the angle of incidence equals the angle of retraction. Are the actions of women the best interpreters of their thoughts? No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new heaven to the human spirit.--Helen Keller. I am not a confrontational person by nature. Carry no illusions about the world around us. From one perspective, it's a conundrum. The best you can give to someone you love is to let them grow to their new self, that include setting them free from your own grasp.. Popex. Think "fantasy football", but with bands- pretty cool. Mutual quest to share the infinite. The highest level changes are those that are natural and coming from within. Would you agree? We co-create with everyone we interact with.  Having new ideas out of a desire for new possibilities is a world apart from the method of emulation or reacting to the ideas of others. Go to sleep little princess..      Schedule risk- 3/5/02 I have one axiom: nothing is as simple as it seems The difference an day makes. You can not change things in code "just as easily" as you could change them in the design documents. Incremental design and implementation is good. Really. Don't let the sirens persuade otherwise. Think twice before reacting to your first impression. Check the underlying structure before starting the climb of the ladder of success. Darkness and ambiguity Still waters run deep Shared philosophies and common experience and empathetic understanding. I like that. Looks can be deceiving, and so can words at this time, so listen to the heart. Chances are/this doesn't apply to you.      Yesterday is over- 3/2/02 Trying to fix or change something, only guarantees and perpetuates its existence. It is impossible to re-acquire everything you lost regardless of how much wealth you have. You are trying to find something that you lost in small pieces, in many places. Getting it back isn't centrally located.  This is only a starting point. That's the best you can hope for. Everyday of your life you have sold a little piece of your soul. If you want to get some of it back ...you have to start somewhere. Facilitating the transaction. My goal is to provoke questions...not answer them. Only you know the amount required to redeem yourself. Time to play.      Fog has lifted - 2/25/02 From my desktop to yours.. Fuck this shit. I've had enough.  LA here I come.      Lovedrop - 2/24/02 I don't believe we've met.  Design in black and white and add color for emphasis when the design is complete. Heart plain and simple. Spirit and soul. Scarcity mindset That whole phraseology offends my sensibilities. All eyes are upon you. What makes no sense is your devoted energy to the very thing you say you hate. If you are against taking, then taking from strangers is not exempt. Yes, you can make things worse. Neglect her feelings. Don't let that fear control you to the point where evolution weeds you out. Some say that a women  learns 90% of what she needs to know about someone in the first 90 seconds. Most women decide between 90 seconds to 90 minutes. They then will make long-term decisions based on those short-term factors. Human race always judges a person based on what they see first-period. Than, If they get passed that, it's what they  want to get to know. True? Many of us have this fairy tale belief that giving our love and affection is a gift that anybody would welcome. It's simply not so. It only works if they want it. The fairy tale belief is centered on the notion that our feelings persuade others. It's not so. It's their feelings that persuade them. The pendulum swings in and out of balance. I just thought I would add, that the chronological order is also equal to the order of merit, just as the angle of incidence equals the angle of retraction. Certain food and certain body parts work well together. There is a code of morality in the US right now, the constitution was based on Judeo/Xtian values. Strip the religion from the teachings and you still have what most people will accept as "moral" behavior. I wish I could express my views a little more eloquently. Anyway enough rambling. I still have no more answers than before, but now the rest of you can share my thoughts. I believes that everyone either sink or swim together. Don't commit to what you have not yet studied. It's time for a radical departure. The old ways either slow me down or they seem to drag me backward. The Winter Solstice grounds you in your true identity. The leaves have turned colors, dried up and blown away. The tree's actual shape stands revealed. In the end, this is all you need to know Peace....Good night or should I say good morning.   Look into my mind - 2/23/02 Clueless computer users Chronicles of George Issues? Indeed I do, and I wish to spare you some of the same issues. But I see that you are naive and somewhat rude as well. So have it your way. Revealing yourself is a big part of intimacy with another. Thoughtful, thankful, and unselfish. The moral of this story? They don't know. They'll never know. And you can't trust them, either. A policy only counts if it's followed. The fog has lifted. Somnolence Interrupt Error Goodnight everyone.       J - 2/21/02 A character defining moment is how we react to adversity. Its typical of small company management that grows just big enough for the limitations of its management to come into play and retard further growth.... but don't try and tell me that.  The Klingon buffer would be my first approach. Failing that, perhaps a decompile. Failing that, create a new db and import all the objects into it. Within the wound. We are the light turning. A fine forever you have given me. The teeth of tiny mammals trapped and carving the only way out of my mind. Pause. Poems are like pictures. Well at least to me they are.      Your thought here][ - 2/20/02 Tell me girl for I need to know.     My World- 2/19/02 The rain fell and the floods came and the winds blew and beat upon the house but it did not fall. If you hear yourself in something I write, If you feel your pulses beat in something I say, that could be. You are a part of me. I don't know who of you or what part, I just know you are here.      i - 2/18/02 Top of the morning to you. In some respects I suppose I am looking for aspects of the mirror image of myself. The six Fs...family, fun, finances, friends, faith and...well you know. These constitute chemistry, but more importantly, with shared views of the importance of each, they serve as the crux of a relationship that lasts. Is there much more? Just saw the movie 'Beautiful Minds' and it set me thinking... What do you suggest as an "Interim expression of feeling?" Conflict resolution skills. There are no shortcuts. Forget regret or life is yours to miss.  My concern, my concern for your concern, and your concern for my concern, ect. is an infinite spiral. Where it all ends, there it all begins. There is something new under the sun: Being emerged from nonbeing; A spring has bubbled out of a rock. Am I amazed that something is appearing that did not exist before?  That these words did not exist until I typed them here? If we could strip away all the exigencies and contingencies and reveal to each other our naked presence? What would now separate us? If I could turn you on, If I could drive you out of your mind, If I could tell you, I would let you know. Beginning to think again- to grasp, to connect, to put together, to remember... How about you experiencing me experiencing you?       Berate me - 2/17/02 I'm back from my trip. Sorry for the unanswered emails. I'll try to catch up tomorrow. To tired to respond to them now. I acknowledge that the picture I have painted is from my point of view, and I admit that I'm no angel. The only difference is, the movie had a happy ending. Life is not a movie For future reference, a girl who is going through a divorce, is married.  We can live a lifetime in a moment. Well, maybe not in a moment, more like a night. Or perhaps a weekend.  It doesn't pay to do `the talk' unless the other is listening with an open heart and mind. Better to do lunch. At least you get a meal. Wounded pride, probably.. Geometry Of Shadows Hear the softness of the whisper. Is the personal pursuit of happiness our sole purpose for being? To truly adore a woman, to know that if only you could feel oneness with her for a moment, an eternity in the waiting soil could be warmed by the memory. I can't remember the last time I had a diet coke. Oh I've been tried. Looking at my chest and I float. So burn me at the stake baby. I have a tendency to give to others what I would like to receive myself. I think we're all like that. Yes: Replace, as I suggested. If you have an arbitrary string in strIns, then the expression Replace(strIns, "'", "''") will return strIns unchanged if it has no single quotes, and will double up all single quotes if there are any. I don't know how to say good-bye. I know the words, I can't give them a voice. They would be lies. The past makes up everything we are today, and the future is ours. I'm the guy standing in the corner by myself, checking out the whole scene. I'm invisible. I'm not loud, I'm not brash, I don't draw attention to myself, and I don't pose. But I'm there. Joel on Software or Asktog.com or Useit.com That's all for now. Time for the Practice and a good nights sleep. Peace be with you. Goodnight.       Latenight - 2/13/02 It might be easier if you were naked         Breath - 2/12/02 Sorry I was distracted and not that witty after a long day. Forgive me. Yes I was insulted at first until I considered the source. I don't know what you think...I'd be interested to know.  So then what are you saying? I'm having trouble finding your point. I don't believe I was trying to tell you how to do anything. You really should pay attention. Could be the root of all your problems. Hit a nerve did I? I don't know about pedestal, but I do have morals so maybe that puts me just a tad ahead? A tad fatigued but calm feeling very directional in a conceptual way. I don't believe we have but it's nice to meet you. Let me know about lunch and I'll check my schedule. What, are you drunk? One cannot contemplate the mind who would. My tastes are eclectic Happy conjuring and have a wonderful night I know I will.      Mirror of Dreams - 2/10/02 Went to the auto show yesterday. I really dig those concept cars. I'm feeling guilty no church today. Way to tired to go.  I believe if you want something bad enough....you can have it :). Whining about wanting something like, more money, to lose weight, a better job is common but when we really sit down and think about it.....all is achievable. They're all realistic "wants". Over the past while I have tried so hard to think about my wants and rather dream about them.....Now I go after them. I  believe my dreams will come true.  One more random thought. This one is about Valentine's Day. I see many people saying it's overrated.....sure if you're young and dating......People are right....we should willingly express our love on a daily basis and romantic dinners can happen any time. Absolutely right. If anyone doesn't have someone to share valentines day with let me know. Send me your address and I'll send you a card. Acting the same as the person you say you hate? Must make you feel almost as good as it made them feel in the first place, with about as much effect. Reminiscing its presence with the smile on your face. If  I were not already in your heart, you would not be able to feel my passion. What a pleasure to meet you…”Hello.” I will let you go here because I don't want to bother you. If nothing is said worth reacting to, I'll react in a leisurely, minimalist manner, if at all.  I maintain a site with introspective and extrospective writings, among other things. Occasionally I put up darker, melancholic introspective pieces. Such pieces are often gut wrenching realizations (to my being) in which I end up in tears by the time I'm done writing them, often I came to these sad realizations while writing a lesser piece. Let me try to make it clear  that I am not asking for help, just an outlet to express myself or display the fruits of my angst in hopes that maybe out of bad can come something good to somebody else. The Art of Zen : Paintings and Calligraphy by Japanese Monks 1600-1925 Help me feel that I'm somebody else. It all comes down to lies (both intentional, and lies of omission). If everyone is being truthful there may be misunderstandings, but those can be solved through discussion. I can't understand how someone can suddenly switch from like to dislike or love to hate. Acceptance of the other person for who they are is the strength of an relationship.. Even at a general sense "doing to others" in an abstract and hopefully positive way of altruism and being there etc. You are still facign the conflict that they are pushing another agenda, and are treating you in the manner in which they want to treat you...often to the re-occurring of detrimental and abusive situations. The whole "want" thing (and a bowl of soup) When/should a person give up on offering a friendly hand? How many fingers does one have to lose before learning? Does this change from trust actually ruin future chances? It becomes a equation of effort and result. Nice people are often under privileged bastards who merely lack the opportunity to oppress others. Not all of them, but many. Remember, we're all in this together. So just my random thoughts for you to digest and get on with your so-called lives. Well I'm off to the movies so have a nice night and a pleasant tomorrow.      Huh? - 2/05/02 The theorem is the fundamental principle governing the process of logical inference. It determines what conclusions can be made with what degree of confidence based on the totality of relevant evidence available. One must accurately evaluates evidence in situations that are uncertain. One then can contemplate  the most probable conclusion. Ten year plan. What's the opportunity and is it real? What are the strategic implications of winning or losing? Particular opportunity  made independently. Rarely are decisions made on a comparative basis among opportunities because one lacked the information, the time and structure to do it. Am I'm making sense?       Super bowl Weekend- 2/04/02 Another Lake Geneva weekend. Experienced some new things together. Interesting. That's what life is all about , right?  Kodak moment.  Ice sculptures, Helicopter rides, Snowmobiling.. Breakfast in bed with room service. Need I say more? Heh I went to Howard Stern Super bowl party complete with strippers. Nice to watch a football game without feeling guilty. The world is such a big place when your alone. But there is love everywhere and I really think everything is going to be alright. Hindsight. Learn from it and hold it close. Thank you for remembering.. Nigel, I wonder how your doing  and I do miss you. Goodnight all. And your dreams will journey peace to your heart        Beginnings- 1/31/02 Funny how one door closes another opens... Had a great time last night. Hope you did too... Goodnight everyone      Unpretty- 1/30/02 The flight is almost booked.  The agenda is in order. Yoga Win or Lose... you're still going to die  Do not despair if you look upon my Eyes.  For I am You.  I am the  Secrets of your dark Heart, your Lust, your greed, your anger, your Flesh.  I am the Living Horror you See before your Eyes.  As you Breathe, I will Snatch you from Yourself, to crush your bones and Savoir your Flesh, to tear the darkness from your heart.  Manufacturing my own cheering section An interesting night.  Sometimes we have to learn to take the brakes off and not hold ourselves back. Goodnight all..      What Ever- 1/27/02 Download the Internet  I'm bummed that this is the last season for the X-Files. I get the hint believe me.       Day under Gray Canopy- 1/26/02 Taste of Springtime.. Nothing like walking in downtown Chicago when it nice out. Man what a day.  Geocaching Becoming happy through change. Is it  that perception that counts? When you talk to yourself do you use 'you' or 'I'? There is that old saying, The grass may be greener on the other side. Here is the rest of it.  It may be tougher to chew Nothing better than anticipation and longing, except contact.  I like contact, especially if it is the kind where our minds meet long before our bodies do.  It is somewhat like mental foreplay and it bides well with me. Constantly setting new goals is the only way to guarantee that one will continue to grow as an individual. Goals should be developed for all areas of life. Setting goals in only one or two  areas is one of the most common and costly mistakes made when defining a lifestyle. I had fallen into that trap. One needs to create goals for all aspects of their life. Some  areas for goal development are health, finance, career, relationships and spirituality. And that's what I'm focusing on. I'm now much to tired to write and need to crash. Heh and it's only 9:30 A part of you has grown on me. And so you see, it's you and me together forever and never apart, maybe in distance, but never in heart. I realize that if I can't control the events happening around me, at least I should be able to control and modulate my reaction to them. What I needed to change was not my relationship but rather myself. I'm was tired of being always beside myself. I'm glad that's over. Sometimes things don't go as planned.  You've got to play the hand your dealt and never look back Laundry list of reasons. I accept that explanation.  It is too outrageous to be untrue. Chicken soup & Lemon tea will help that cold. 10:50pm Saturdays Night Live a rerun. Drag.  Goodnight all     Tonight- 1/25/02 As I was, you are - as I am, you shall be... Last night when I made a wish, I wished for a healing touch.  To touch you, and the pains would be no more. I might not be there.      Only Yourself- 1/24/02 Pour up a drink, and read more about me.. Who says that hard work has to involve stress? Ask them what they want, then give them what they need. I've been around the block and got all the t-shirts. Those lucky enough to have knowledgeable clients could have a convention in a phone booth. The rest of us must learn the art of deduction. The short version of the story is all that's required when everyone on the same page. Indecision has more to do with not enough information than lack of opinion. It's okay to play for fun instead of points. Make sure the client and the server are using the same default network protocol. I find many times that the client is still using NetBeui or IPX/SPX and the server has the TCP/IP protocol set as the default. This causes additional delays that you simply don't need. If your a pure windows environment, take out everything but TCP/IP. Solace I cannot find.  Sometimes in my life I see things that aren't right And wonder why they are this way Circle of love and trust is formed. Statement of eternal bliss. Oneness of a friendship born. Started with a virtual kiss. Unwanted guests darken your door? He that carries his burdens alone, walks the longest mile. I believe love was not meant for me ... maybe not yet. Carpe Diem Why don't you see what Scotty can come up with Captain? I could never hurt you, even if I wanted to.  It would simply break my heart.  And I have no desire to break yours.  The last thing that I'd ever want to do is hurt you. Sunshine into rain More Rantings        I'm not Preaching- 1/23/02 Really....... Love God. Love everyone. Accept that Christ existed, died for your sins, and rose again. Also, I'd like to mention that the -Bible- is two entirely different sections... the Old Testament being nothing but a history lesson, and a place for all those prophecies of the coming of Christ to be presented (i.e. in the historical context in which they were made) and the New Testament, which is a historical presenting of how Christians are supposed to live. (which is where I get those three from above) Also, realize that only number 3 is truly required for salvation, but not doing 1 or 2 will seem rather odd. Seems to me you've heard one side of the story.........Save the judgments for court. Frustrating things in a relationship is when one tries to explain how they feel and they're met with resistance.  That adds insult to injury. Try to be as understanding and kind as possible toward their feelings.  Don't resist how they feel. Goodnight      Namm 2002- 1/21/02 Just got back from LA. Sorry for the lack of updates.. Enjoyed my time spending catching up with old friends. It's been surreal. Something was missing though. Maybe next year will be different. I miss sharing the experience. I did renew my string endorsement, It's funny how after all these years I can catch up like time has never passed.. I will visit,  after all your in Elgin.  I'll have new photos to post once they're developed... Heh....Tomorrow starts the daily grind. I'm much to tired to write anymore. In a few days maybe I'll do a recap.       Feng Shui- 1/12/02 Time off  I took was well deserved. Vacation is just around the corner. Someplace new that's for sure. Tides ebb and flow. They come and go. After a while, it was like a breath of fresh air after breathing stale air for what seems like a long time. Hypothetical situation Its hard for me to write when I'm  feeling good. This is going to be my year. Goodnight        Final Debug- 1/08/02 What good is the theoretical if it isn't practical? New Business opportunity today. Maybe to good to pass up. It does have it risks. But isn't that what life all about? You fail if you don't try. Everything does happen for a reason, Its just we don't understand at the time it happens. I don't find the vacant minded type even slightly attractive. And then... there are those who wouldn't admit it because society has 'conditioned' them to be ashamed to say so. Maybe my unconscious mind is telling me.....        Picnic in the park- 1/07/02 Like they say when one door closes another opens.. Sorry for the delay in updates but spending the weekend in Lake Geneva and going to the Bears game takes priority. Saw another shooting star tonight. Made my wish and really feel that everything will be okay. http://yarayara.com/tv/ I don't think it is the vehicle, but the people involved that make the difference Why let reality intrude? Moving out of the neighborhood. There has been proof of a 'universal' standard of attractiveness.  It was done with babies, and they said that babies looked longer at more attractive faces. If our instincts were that specific, then this would not  be. Of course, initial instincts could be specific and are then overridden by experiences. After eons of it being overridden, the instincts are bound to change. The flow of evolution is against entropy. My roommates stopped by. It's been awhile. The true window into a soul is time. The reputation of a thousand years is determined in the acts of a single hour.       So far So Good- 1/03/02 Hope everyone year off to a good start. I know mine is. We all find a truth uniquely our own. http://www.whogotfired.com If you don't like what I write then why do you keep coming back???? Say, whence is the voice that, when anger is burning, Bids the whirl of the tempest to cease? Unpredictable, accidental, seemingly impossible......magic. Souls that touch. Do not reveal all of yourself at the first sighting. Such emotion will overwhelm the listener and surely frighten them.. But such emotion, revealed at the proper time, will cause the listener to fall in love. Be always consistent in the things you do and say. This message posted as a Public Service How to open doors with just a smile. Remember, the company doesn't hire you because of what you can get from them, but rather what value-added services you can offer them. False persona is a thing that you might successfully create, but never maintain. Why not just be you? Taoism? Tea. Just bitter, mostly tasteless, hot water.  I've tried lots of tea.  Think I'll just stick to Lipton. You'll never be any better than your worst fault. -I- was judged that way. Go on, tell me what you think I am? If you don't understand the statements above, check your "Cliff Notes" summary and translation. Thanks. When you're contemplating the which ness of the why, you're contemplating the unfathomable (or the pointless, one of the two). Thanks for clearing that one up.  I am still stumped, but have opted for grinding coffee over trying to figure it all out.  Cheers!       Next day- 1/02/02 Polar Bear swim club       Happy New Years!- 1/01/02 My years off to a great start. Went to the House of Blues to see Train but didn't catch their whole set for we went over to the Navy Pier to see the fireworks. I was amazed to see how many people were out. Everyone was having a great time. I was glad I wasn't the only person freezing their ass off.   Didn't even have an drink to celebrate. Didn't need one. Well I'm off to bed, way to tired to write. Everyone needs balance in their lives and that life isn't just about working.       What's New | Rantings |  Multimedia | Store | Contact | Home | Guestbook COPYRIGHT © 1 9 9 7 -  2 0 0 8  T H E C H A S G R O U P All Rights Reserved